first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
