seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
