I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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