So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hate all girls vehemently.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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