I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
