I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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