she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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