if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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