whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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