Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
