shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
