One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
