I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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