Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
