hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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