It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
