he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
