Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
