Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
