we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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