Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i dont even know how to be here
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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