So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
