she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just gift wrapped bread.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
