she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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