after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
