just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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