Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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