I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
