Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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