fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
