covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize