Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
