there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
