my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
