mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
