He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
