I've blown a few things in my day
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
