I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
