smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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