I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
