His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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