If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize