I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
