mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
