dude i'm inner monologue high
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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