Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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