He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
