Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
