Im at strip club and am horny
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
