Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
