When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
