you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
