you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
