I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize