If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
