I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
