Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
