So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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