I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
