ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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