connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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