so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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