You're my little dorito
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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