I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
