FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
