halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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