Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
