Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize