you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
