I just saw a hot homeless man
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
