Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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