Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
