So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
