All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
