i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
