and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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