shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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