At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
