I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
