Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize