so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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