You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
