I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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