He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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