woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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