God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
