Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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