Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize