At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
farters have to be the big spoon...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
