i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
