I could make wine with my vomit
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
