I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
