Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
