just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
