i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
