You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
