I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
