i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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