The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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